PurcellPress



Diary of Lizzie Snoopes

Posted 19th November, 2020

Covid, Lockdown, Trump, OMG it's all happening!

Lizzie Snoopes - what she don't know ain't worth knowing.

SSsh! Top secret: Yes, the elections were rigged dears, but not by Democrats - by the little people down below! It's a disgrace!

"On a clear day you can see them up above, catching a bit of moon. They sit in their fiber glass cabins, munching silicon chips and bitching about the trashy neighbours. Right now, they're weighing the pros and cons of keeping us nasty aggressive humans on as slaves." Anonymous - Area 51

And speaking of the incumbent, wot a sore loser, mask-free, right to the bitter-end!

Saved by the (Biden) Bell

Poor old US, in danger of becoming an Eastern Bloc satelite state run by a megalomaniac would-be proto-facist dictator, (say that while sipping your tea). Soon be over, thank Gawwwd! Time to make America herself again!

Which leads me to a report in the Guardian newspaper, Simone Levine of New York winding us all up by saying that the incumbent might chance a coup d'etat!

Mein Got!

Lizzie says no.

How about this instead..

2021: Look out for a shadowy figure in an army surplus overcoat creeping out of the White House at dawn, dragging his clubs behind - see him piling into the back seat of a Toyota Prius without so much as 'fasten-yer-seatbelt'!
Bye bye, mind how you go and don't forget your (MAGA) hat!
Jill Biden better be counting the silver after he's gone, and make sure George Washington is still on display in the oval office!
He needs to be selling that high-rise gaff in Manhattan - just to stay out of the slammer!> Anonymous - Initials I.T.

Stand guard!

What gets me dears - all those people down in Florida voting for the orange wonder - what the hell were they thinking? It's like Turkeys voting for Christmas!

Oh! The irony!

Between you and me, keep it to yourself, heard it on the grapevine, (without prejudice) allegedly down in the sunshine state, loads of car-loans and gun-loans suddenly got settled.
Also allegedly, loads of Floridians got invites posted out to their addresses, even dead people! Gold-embossed cards, signed POTUS 2021. The January ball at Mar-a-Lago will be interesting to say the least.
Oh - and NEWS JUST IN - someone we know snagged a FANTASTIC new MEGABOOK DEAL - with a HUGE advance from a FANTASTIC publisher, the BEST, it's coming out for *Christmas*.
It's called "The Art of the steal. Time to cough up a few tax payments, (mister).

*Christmas? You remember? A quaint old 21st Century tradition.

Travel days be here again!

Wot a year 2019, hot flushes, stormy mood swings, wet tsunamis. Never mind your science, it's obviously Mother Earth going through menopause! Takes a clever bird like Lizzie to work that one out.



Spotting the odd aeroplane is a rare treat in these lockdown days. I miss packing my bag and zipping off to a foreign clime

Yesterday while walking the cat in the park - I looked up and saw a lonely aeroplane in the sky. Seeing that big silver bird gliding across the ether was a thing of beauty - and I daresay a teardrop fell from the eye.

As I carried on down the path - dreaming about exotic destinations - I bumped into an old oak who nudged me with her branch, (must be all of a hundred years, bless her). She goes,"never you mind dear, we need a break from that lot up there, we can all breathe now."

I must admit, with fewer aeroplanes, we don't see those horrible weird triangles criss-crossing the sky, like a pilot's hex!

Yes, Lockdown gets my vote!

I don't know about you luvvies, but I've found a few fringe benefits to being on lockdown.

For one thing, you can watch a whole season of Suits in one hit and still be up in time for work - if you have any work.

TOP fringe benefit: The dear ones are tucked up in bed by midnight, which means fewer KFC cartons blowing about on the pavements, and less stabbings. By the way, I haven't stepped on a rusty CHICKEN BONE in months! Every cloud has a silver-lining!

How long will it last? Anyone's guess.

My advice is go outside and stroll around the neighbourhood, take in the scenery.

Ignore the dog poop, smell the roses instead.

Above all, breathe in that clean air, and remember, it's still a wonderful world!

Never mind the news dearie, get the Lockdown-Lowdown with Lizzie

Until next time - stay safe, muah!

Yours truly - Lizzie